


Discovering Exhibitionism

by CoffeeAddict80



Series: Desperate Times... 'verse [8]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 16:27:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11085438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAddict80/pseuds/CoffeeAddict80
Summary: ((One-shot in the Desperate Times ‘Verse. You should probably read that story first. This takes place in between Chapter 5 & 6))"Missing Scene"  -- During a phone conversation the night before their first rehearsal, Kurt asks Blaine about how and when he realized that he was an exhibitionist.





	Discovering Exhibitionism

It was late Wednesday evening, the night before their first rehearsal; Kurt was on the phone with Blaine, making arrangements of where and when to meet. “I’m wondering something…” Kurt said, changing the subject of their conversation after they came to an agreement. “When did you realize that you were an exhibitionist? Was it before or after you started doing porn? What I’m trying to say is: I guess I’m just curious if this is something you realized _because_ of being a porn star, or if it was something you already knew and used toward your advantage.”

Blaine gave an embarrassed chuckle. “It was before I began my porn career. _Long_ before. In fact, I realized I was an exhibitionist before I ever even had my first sexual experience with another person,” he replied. “I think I was 15?”

“Really?” Kurt asked, confused. “How does that work? I mean, was it just the _idea_ of exhibitionism that you liked? And you _assumed_ you would like it in practice too? Or…?”

“No, it was more like…I got caught masturbating,” Blaine replied. “And at first I was…I don’t want to say embarrassed, but…flustered, I guess. I hurried to cover myself, but…I don’t know. I realized that getting caught like that…it turned me on.”

“Who caught you? What happened?” Kurt wondered.

“It was Santana, actually. See, I have this really bad habit of not locking my bedroom door; like ever. And one day I was laying out on my bed completely naked, watching porn and jerking off with a vibrator shoved up my ass, when Santana walked into my room. Because of course Santana never knocks. I quickly threw a blanket over my lap to try and hide my dick from her.

“I remember feeling confused about the fact that I wasn’t embarrassed or ashamed like I thought I should be. Instead of feeling shame, I felt this spike of _arousal_. And I knew it had nothing to do with _Santana_ , because I was 100% sure I was gay at the time; and felt zero attraction to her, or females in general.

“Anyway, you know what Santana’s like. Instead of leaving my room when she noticed what she interrupted, she decides she’s going to stand there and yell at me in Spanish. Because apparently I was supposed to magically know that her plans were cancelled and therefore she was coming over to my house unannounced. But unfortunately for her, my erection wasn’t going away. So, I tried to _subtly_ continue jerking off under the blanket. And of course she noticed.

“Finally she’s like, _‘should I leave so you can continue?’_. And for some reason I answered, _‘leave or stay; doesn’t matter to me. As long as you let me finish’_. I think she took it as a challenge; because she walked fully into the room and shut the door behind her. Having the blanket on top of me started to irritate me; so I asked her if she minded me removing it. I think she thought I was joking because she agreed so easily; and her eyes kind of bugged out of her head when I tossed it off of me and continued full-on masturbating in front of her.

“I just remember this intense rush of adrenaline; knowing that I was being watched. It turned me on. Seeing her watching me like that…I dunno. It sparked something. I felt…powerful. I liked it. A lot. And of course, this was before Santana realized she was a lesbian. So she watched with intrigue rather than revulsion, unlike now. Because now, whenever she walks in on me, she scrunches up her nose in disgust and rolls her eyes at me. Yet, she still purposefully searches out my videos to critique them. So I’m not really sure what to make of that.

“But after that first time, I thought a lot about what happened and realized I didn’t care if anyone saw me or not. I lost track of the number of times Santana has walked in on me. Both her and my brother. Although, my brother usually turned his head to look away while he spoke to me; or walked out of the room telling me to come find him when I was done,” Blaine told him.

Kurt let out a loud sigh. “God, I think I would be so embarrassed if that was me. I mean, I was able to do _that_ at my audition, but you were the only person in the room that I even sort of knew. And I had mentally retreated into my character, and sort of forced myself to pretend like I was just putting on a show; that I wasn’t _really_ doing what I was doing. But to do that as _me_ , knowing full-well I was being watched – by my best friend and/or brother – I just don’t know if I _could_ do that,” he said. “Can I ask a really stupid question?” He heard Blaine hum in acknowledgement and pressed on, “You said yesterday that Santana has also walked in on you showering? Before you lived together? How did that happen? Because I would think that not even Santana would walk into someone else’s bathroom like that if she knew someone was inside. Bedroom, yes, I can totally see that. But _bathroom_? Or was it accidental?”

“I think it was probably part accidental, part intentional,” he began. “My bedroom at my parents’ house had its own en suite – or rather a Jack & Jill bathroom that I shared with my brother. And just like how I have a habit of not locking my bedroom door, I have a habit of not _shutting_ my bathroom door; not completely anyway; _especially_ if my bedroom door is closed. And whenever Santana would come over, she would always just walk into my room – whether my bedroom door was open or not. And if she didn’t see me in there right away, she’d poke her head into the bathroom before leaving to check for me in another room.

“If I had actually _closed_ the bathroom door, she probably wouldn’t have seen anything. Since, depending on where you are in the bedroom, you can actually see into the shower when the door is open. But at the same time, I’m sure she could hear the water running, and just didn’t care.

“And since I shared a bathroom with my brother – and that bathroom actually connected our two bedrooms together – Cooper walked in on me more often than he would have liked. Although, he is ten years older than me and moved to California when I was 11, so he luckily missed out on most of my puberty years; and only had to deal with seeing things like that for a few days or weeks at time during the holidays when he would come to visit,” Blaine explained.

“Did your parents ever walk in on you?” Kurt asked.

“No. But they definitely knew what I was doing. I’m not exactly quiet. I try to be. Sometimes. But while they had never walked in on me, both of them had interrupted me quite a few times. They would either knock on my door and/or speak to me through the closed door while I was jerking off.

“And even though they never _saw_ what I was doing, I could still felt that spark of arousal at being caught whenever I would hear their voices or footsteps outside my door. I think that might actually be why it’s so difficult for me to be quiet. Because I like the idea of getting caught. I like knowing I have an audience,” he replied.

Kurt hummed in thought. “So…out of curiosity, before porn…was that your only experience with exhibitionism? Having Santana or your brother walk in on you masturbating?”

“No,” Blaine answered. “There was one time that one of my former boyfriends and I were on his couch, completely naked, just making out and rutting against each other, when his roommate and 3 of her friends came home and walked in on us. I told him we weren’t alone anymore and that we had an audience. Apparently, he thought I meant that his cat walked into the room, and told me to just keep going; so I did. All 4 girls just stood there staring at us with their mouths open. They didn’t appear uncomfortable or anything; and they never looked away or told us to stop; so I figured they didn’t mind watching. In fact, a few of them actually looked like they were _really_ enjoying the show. And of course, I loved every second of it. Austin, however, freaked out after we finished and he realized that our audience wasn’t a four-legged furball.

“There was another time when my most recent ex and I had sex in front of an open window at his apartment. I could see one of his neighbors from across the alleyway watching us. The guy began jerking off to us too. It was _so_ hot. Knowing that someone was getting off on watching me receive pleasure like that… It felt a hundred times better than _just_ having an audience,” he said. “That’s another big reason I love doing porn so much. Because I know that people are getting off on it. That people are _specifically_ watching me with the intent to masturbate and feel good. It’s a heady feeling; knowing that I’m partly responsible for the pleasure they’re receiving.”

Kurt was silent on the other end of the line after Blaine’s explanation. After a moment Blaine hesitantly asked, “Kurt? What’s all of this really about? Are you having second thoughts?”

“No, no. I still want to go through with this.” Kurt sighed before continuing. “I guess…I guess I’m just a little nervous. I always get a rush out of performing on a stage, so I keep trying to think of this as just another performance; but I’ve never done anything like this before. I keep thinking, maybe I’ll enjoy the sex but I won’t enjoy having an audience for it? Or maybe I’ll enjoy having an audience but I won’t like the actual sex? I really don’t know. I guess I thought that learning about how you realized that you like having people watching you in that way might help me to figure things out about myself.”

“Did any of what I told you help at all?” Blaine asked.

“Not really,” he answered, regrettably.

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” Blaine apologized. “But maybe after our rehearsal tomorrow you’ll have a better understanding of what is expected of you, and of how you’ll feel and react to certain stimuli; so you’ll be able to better imagine what that would be like with others watching?”

“Yeah, maybe,” he replied.

“I wish I could offer better advice,” Blaine told him.

Kurt hesitated before he responded to Blaine. “You know, to be honest, I think I’m probably more worried that _you_ won’t like having sex with me – that I won’t be very good at it – and you’ll regret helping me get me this job.”

“Sweetie, that could never happen. I’ve been wanting to get into your pants for months,” Blaine started.

Kurt cut him off before he could say anything further, “I know! That’s the problem! What if I don’t live up to the fantasy of me that you created in your head? What if once we have sex you realize that I’m lousy in bed and you wasted all that time, energy, and money on me for no reason? What then? Do you just continue on with the movie, with a fake smile on your face; even though you are left completely unsatisfied; and refuse to work with me ever again? Do you tell Eric that you made a mistake and should never have recommended me for the job, causing him to fire me? I mean, what –”

Blaine interrupted Kurt’s distraught rambling before he could work himself up into a panic attack. “Whoa, whoa, hang on a second; calm down, sweetie; please. None of that is going to happen –”

“You don’t know that,” Kurt said.

“Yes, I do. Look, Kurt…You have so much sex appeal. You have this confidence about yourself – that I am extremely jealous of by the way – and could only wish that I had a fraction of. And I’ve seen the way you move. When you’re dancing. Your hips are incredible. There is just no way that you won’t be amazing,” Blaine told him. “I would still be extremely happy and very much satisfied if you were only _‘okay’_. Hell, even if you just laid there like a sack of potatoes and let me do all the work, I would _still_ be satisfied. I know I have a lot of experience, and therefore you may feel like I’m comparing you others that I’ve been with, but I swear, you _don’t_ have to worry about that. It takes _a lot_ for me to actively dislike a sexual experience. When it comes to sex, I’m very easy to please.”

“What if you’re the only one that I _can_ please? What if everyone else thinks I suck? And not in the good way,” he asked, anxiously.

“That won’t happen. But even if it does, practice makes perfect; and I’m willing to help you practice as much as you feel is necessary. That’s the whole point of this rehearsal, isn’t it? To get you some experience and work out any issues you might have? That way you’re more comfortable with your actions, reactions, and just sex in general? Trust me, Kurt; I’m _positive_ you have absolutely nothing to worry about. You’re going to be great,” Blaine replied.

“Thank you,” Kurt whispered.

“You’re welcome, sweetie.” Blaine paused for a second before he added, “Did you have any other concerns you wanted to talk about?”

“No. I think I just need to stop thinking about this so much,” he answered. “I still have some homework I need to finish; so I guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Okay. I’ll be waiting outside Building A after your last class,” Blaine told him.

“Sounds good. See you then,” Kurt agreed. “Goodnight.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> FYI: the shower scene script that Kurt wrote will be posted tomorrow (June 4th)


End file.
